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Quit 31 days ago
Tomorrow I am quitting smoking. Again. It’s turned into a bit of an annual event where I quit smoking this time every year (for the past four years)
I have a real pattern going and there is a small laundry list of things I do to sabotage myself and my quit..
It’s been almost 10 years since I managed to be smoke free for more than two days and I find myself making a lot of deals with myself. It’s absolute insanity. 
I’ve been aware of the deals for a few years and I know how harmful I am to myself. It’s like there are three people in my head. The me who is quitting, the little voice who spends all its time convincing me that I’m quitting but the odd cigarette here and there is only normal. This is the me that cheers me on when a pack of smokes lasts three days and tells the quitting me that I’m quitting. 
Then there is the omnipotent me who sees all of these interactions and deals that go on and knows the damage but haven’t figured out how to stop it. 
So by the time I realize I’m not really quitting smoking I’m actually investing more nicotine than before I started. 
However this is the first time where I can feel that smoking is causing me damage. I’m short of breath and my throat and chest hurt all the time. 
I’ve made a list of things I can do instead and I’m going into it more aware of my patterns. 
I want this to be the last day one that I see. 
  • Lucille BrownQuit 1,109 days ago
    kathleen, to be quite frank with you quitting is very difficult but I guess you know this for the many times you've tried to quit. First and foremost see your doctor about your symptoms, better to get it checked out.   You really don't want to let that go.  Next speak to him or your pharmacist about the different options available to help you quit.  (nicotine replacement products or prescriptions such as Champix or Zyban)   Drink lots of water,  to flush the toxins out of your system.  Eat nutritious foods when you are craving such as fruit, veggies and dip, nuts of any kind, sunflower or pumpkin seeds or even a peppermint or two may help.  Pick up puzzles, adult colouring books, crosswords or books to read such as Allen Carr's "Easy Way To Quit Smoking".  Or you can even go online and play games, anything to distract you and keep your mind and hands busy and off of cigarettes.  Go for long walks for fresh air.  Breath deeply, count to five and exhale.  This will help when the cravings hit hardest.  Join a yoga or meditation group or even a keep fit class can help. Keep a journal so that you can write down the most difficult times so that you won't repeat the same mistakes twice.  Call the quit coaches at 1-877-455-2233 for some one on one help.  The service and call is free.  They will help you get through whatever's holding you back.  Also we are here for you if you need extra help or encouragement.  Remember to take it one day and one step at a time. Much love, Lucille.
    February 18 @ 12:06 pm
    • kathleenisraelQuit 31 days ago
      Thank you Lucille Brown - all very sound advice :)
      February 19 @ 5:23 pm
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    LaurenWQuit 78 days ago
    "I want this to be the last day one that I see."
    What a powerful statement - I've been there before.  It sounds like you have a lot of awareness, Kathleen.  I know that failed quits can make you feel like a failure (I attempted dozens of quits), but actually they are a testament to your tenacity, and it sounds like you know your triggers well.  Gather up some confidence, because you can absolutely do this.  Have you got a quitcoach?  One of the most important things my quit coach helped me do was transform that sort of confused, ambivalent attitude into a clear mindset for quitting.  Of all the quitting tools and interventions I used, that was the most important I think.  I hope that it can help you, too, to get really clear.  You can do this!  
    February 18 @ 2:54 pm
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    judythebeautyQuit 392 days ago
    Welcome Kathleen Israel, and congrats on your final decision to quit for good.  We look forward to hearing about your journey, best of luck!
    February 18 @ 3:50 pm
  • Rocket48Quit 80 days ago
    You could start your spring cleaning earlier....  I know I will.   
    February 18 @ 5:58 pm
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    Carole DohertyQuit 49 days ago
    Good luck !! ..... Sounds like you are very determined and your post is very similar to what I was going through before I decided that enough is enough. It was starting to affect my health as well and with the support of this forum and the quit coaches I am now on day 18. You can do it !!
    February 18 @ 7:09 pm
  • DianneEQuit 164 days ago
    Hi Kathleen,
    Never quit quitting and one day you will get it right.  Every day that you do not smoke is a success in itself.  It takes many of us many attempts to finally quit for good, so don't beat yourself up or look back.  Take what you've learned from your last quits and use them to help you succeed this time around.  Remember the 5 D's, use every tool available, and research the addiction as well as what harm smoking actually does cause.  Both are eye-openers as well as enlightening.  I found knowing the enemy helped keep me motivated and strong.  Good luck, you've got it this time!  
    February 19 @ 10:43 am
  • pistachioQuit 224 days ago
    Hi Kathleen,
    Visualize shooting either one of the voices that makes excuses for smoking in the head. Visualize it as gory as you like an then visualize what you're going to do with your health and your money in the near future. Keep goals small and achievable: 1 day quit, 3 days, 5 days, 10 days... don't imagine never ever having another cigarette again, only focus on the present and how awesome today is because you didn't smoke and you'll be a superhero every day. I've always felt that if nothing else. I say "thank you for today" and sometimes I buy that cronut ;)
    February 19 @ 1:52 pm
    • kathleenisraelQuit 31 days ago
      Thanks pistachio - I have my goals really small. Just not smoking this time. 
      February 19 @ 5:44 pm
  • GoobieltQuit 48 days ago
    Hi Kathleen, just wanted you to know I'm cheering you on today!
    February 19 @ 4:14 pm
  • Rocket48Quit 80 days ago
    50 days and counting.   My breaking point is 60 days and 90 days.  So far so good but I still have urges from time to time.  I take it one day at a time and do not over estimate my will power.   I am still dependant on the patch.   This forum  is very helpful.  Thanks. 
    February 20 @ 4:52 pm