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j
jude10
Quit 74 days ago
I am really having a tough time, it's crazy!  I quit almost 6 weeks ago.  I am going through some stress, grief and I feel so depressed.  As stated before on the blog, we lost our eldest son to Fentanyl in Nov 2017.   Quitting smoking in the beginning wasn't as hard as it is right now.   My emotions are super high and it's becoming harder for me to go through the grief and loosing "my friend" the cigarette.   Ugggghhhhh  
  • GoobieltQuit 48 days ago
    Im so sorry for your loss :( i don't have any words of wisdom,  just wanted to send you some love and light 
    February 16 @ 8:37 pm
  • K
    KatzQuit 56 days ago
    I have travelled the path you are on losing your son. I lost my 4 yr old son through a sudden death. Like u, at the beginning, I never thought to smoke because I was in shock that lasted for days...it might be helpful and find comfort in joining a support group for grieving parents. There is no set time for the grieving, no matter w
    February 16 @ 9:00 pm
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      judythebeautyQuit 392 days ago
      I am deeply saddened by your loss as well Katz.  Please accept my condolences.  Congrats on your 22 days, and I commend you on your quit as well, you have already conquered life's hardest moments, so I know you are strong enough to do this.
      February 16 @ 9:50 pm
  • K
    KatzQuit 56 days ago
    No matter what someone tells u...the other so-called friend (the cigarette) was only our friend when we were in our darkest moments...I found when I was in a positive frame of mind, I smoked way less then during stressful, negative, cranking moods...
    February 16 @ 9:05 pm
  • j
    judythebeautyQuit 392 days ago
    Hi Jude10, congrats on your 40 days, that is amazing.  First and foremost my deepest sympathies regarding the loss of your son.  I remember you previously mentioning that, and no one other than other grieving parents will understand what you are experiencing.  No child should ever go before their parents.  However, you have made it 40 days already, so you have probably made it through the toughest period, it is not easy, and you more than others are probably going to have many lows before you start experiencing an easier time.  Try getting through just an hour at a time, and focus on some good memories.  I have struggled tremendously without my smokes, but are trying to think positive and carry on, so for you too, I am wishing brighter days in the not too distant future.  Hang in there, and vent as much as you need, as we are here to listen.
    February 16 @ 9:48 pm
  • j
    jude10Quit 74 days ago
    Katz, I do go to a grief support group, in fact I initiated one in our community for those who have lots loved ones to substance use.   I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes and I miss having a cigarette in these hard times.
       
    February 16 @ 10:50 pm
    • K
      KatzQuit 56 days ago
      I can understand Jude10...sometimes i remember the moments of being overwhelmed and how i used to go for a walk, no matter what the weather was like, find a place and just sit listening to the outdoor sounds...i would just let my thoughts enter and exit through my mind...I never held back the tears...it was my greatest release and a way to chip at the huge ice bulk i was carrying on my shoulders...saying that i miss smoking is lying to myself, only human, but i know i can get through the stressful times without it...i'm currently applying the NA 12 steps that helped me beat a drug addiction 9 years ago...this is the final piece of the puzzle...
      February 17 @ 4:22 pm
  • j
    jude10Quit 74 days ago
    Thanks everyone.  I try and keep busy, walking, skiing, knitting and so on
     
    February 16 @ 10:54 pm
  • j
    jude10Quit 74 days ago
    Oh I forgot, I'm eating lots too
    February 16 @ 10:55 pm
    • j
      judythebeautyQuit 392 days ago
      I think quite a few of us are Jude.
      February 17 @ 10:25 am
  • Lucille BrownQuit 1,109 days ago
    Jude and Katz, my sincere condolences to both of you,  you are not alone.  I also lost a child to cancer and it was one of the hardest things a parent has to deal with.  There are no words to describe the feelings when you face such a loss.  I'm sure both of your children will be smiling down at you for what you've both accomplished by quitting smoking.  Jude  as Katz said, please seek counselling because the pain will heal but the scar will  always remain.  You've both come a long way in your quits and I congratulate you.  You've both dealt with far worse so you can definitely deal with this.  Much love to both of you, Lucille.
    February 17 @ 6:50 am
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      KatzQuit 56 days ago
      so sorry to hear of your loss...my thoughts are with you Lucille...
      February 17 @ 4:23 pm
      • Lucille BrownQuit 1,109 days ago
        Thank you Katz, you and jude deserve a little luck in your lives.  The grief will never go away but will get better in time.  As for smoking it only adds to our stress and anxiety but we can help it get better by quitting.  Do it as a tribute to your sons and make a promise to them as I did to mine, it really helps to stay focused and gives you the satisfaction of doing something good for yourselves and those you love.  Much love and my thoughts are with you both as well, Lucille.
        February 17 @ 7:22 pm
        • j
          jude10Quit 74 days ago
          Also Lucille, I do go to grief support, in fact got the one in our community started.  I have also seen a personal counsellor but they are not there on a moments notice like this site.
          February 17 @ 9:20 pm
      • j
        jude10Quit 74 days ago
        Hey Katz good on ya, 23 days as a non smoker.  I can think of a million reasons why being a non smoker is  beneficial.  It's not just health, but the inconvenience and how much control it has over my life but  it can be so overwhelming and powerful cravings.
        February 17 @ 9:31 pm
    • j
      jude10Quit 74 days ago
      Thanks Lucille, sorry to hear about the loss of your child.  It's just so against the what a parent is, they are supposed out live us.   
      February 17 @ 8:57 pm
  • QuitCoach KenQuit 13,975 days ago
    Hi Jude, I am so sorry to hear of your son and no  one can image the high emotions that brings to a parent unless you have gone through that yourself. Still you have accomplished so much by going almost 6 weeks smoke free in spite of going through the grieving process. The cigarette by the way is not your "friend " in any way shape or form. It is the only product sold in Canada that guarantees it will kill 1 in 2 users. It is not a friend for it is a killer, poison and a threat to your well being.  Remaining Smoke free is not a loss but a gain and when you think of all the things you are gaining it is amazing. Concentrate on the  positives of being smoke free and the benefits because they certainly out way any perceived loss. If you need extra support please call 1-877 -455-2233 and talk with one of the coaches we want to be there for you. 
    February 17 @ 12:00 pm
    • j
      jude10Quit 74 days ago
      Thanks Ken, I almost phoned.  I will next time for sure, I know, like grief, that the emotions/cravings come in waves.
        
      February 17 @ 9:17 pm
  • j
    jude10Quit 74 days ago
    One thing I realized is the moon is almost full, I used to know because I'd be outside smoking.  Anyways I suspected the moon phase because of my mood.  The moon phases affect my mood and my sleep.  As a general rule it is not the full moon as much as it is a days leading to full moon.  Because I don't sleep well my mood suffers.  On a good note, I think, I decided today to  use my NRT lozenges a bit more.  I was only using a half, sometimes 1 full 2mg lozenge in the evening.  Nothing during the day as it's easier to keep active.  Anyways so far today I have sucked on a whole 2 lozenges throughout the day.  I suck on it for 30 seconds and take it out.  I just didn't want to prolong the nicotine withdrawal but realize they are there to help me so I don't smoke and I will tell you I have soooooo close these last few days.   The good thing is that my  husband quit a week after me, if he was still smoking there is no way I would still be a non smoker.  
    February 17 @ 9:14 pm
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    HappyLifeQuit 30 days ago
    So sorry for your loss, I sincerely hope you find a way to process your sadness in a way that is healthy.  I know that a deep psychological reason I often jump off the bandwagon is because I feel I deserve to suffer.  Perhaps you are facing the real challenge/demon of a similar sentiment now, but I hope/pray that you can see that this is not true, as I know is the case for me as well.  Again, I'm truly sorry for your loss.
    February 17 @ 9:38 pm
  • DianneEQuit 164 days ago
    Hi Jude,
    So sorry you went through a tough time of it, I hope it's improved the last couple of days.  Please, try to remember that a cigarette is not your friend. A friend would never try to kill or hurt you.  And that same cigarette is not going to help you get over the grief of losing your son, nothing will.  Time will only soften the edges.  Try to allow yourself some small time-outs as if you were smoking and do something different that takes your mind off things.  And no matter what, time will pass, and you will find that it does get easier.  Take care.  
    February 19 @ 10:50 am